Ilaria Rosella Pagliaro There are attitudes that, if repeated over time, can wear down even the most solid relationship: here are the mistakes to avoid to keep the feeling alive and build a healthy relationship, based on trust, respect and sincere communication
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It’s simple to fall in love. Keeping a relationship going? That’s the trick. There’s no magic formula to guarantee a couple will last, but some things—especially when they become habits over time—can quietly erode even the best connection. More often than not, it’s the small things that chip away day by day, creating a gap that seems impossible to bridge.
The things not to do if you don’t want it all to go wrong
Every couple gets to that place where they look at each other and say, “What the hell happened to us?” It does. And more often than not, the answer is a really long list of mundane mistakes, toxic habits, and unspoken resentments that build up into a time bomb.
If you want to protect your relationship and create a more dominant, more peaceful dynamic, these are the key mistakes you’ll want to avoid.
Lack of communication builds invisible walls
This isn’t just about words—it’s about mutual understanding. When one partner stops expressing what they think and feel, the other ends up feeling shut out. Sure, communication doesn’t come naturally to everyone. But saying “I’m fine” in a tone that sounds like a horror movie villain while slamming pots around in the kitchen? That’s not communication.
Sentences like “You should just know” are unhelpful, as is the silent treatment after an argument. Healthy communication is not all about talking—just as much about listening. Nine times out of ten, the real problem is not the argument itself, but the inability to handle it in a positive way. The starting point for establishing balance is being able to communicate your feelings freely, without fear of censure. And if it’s terrible, let ’em know—just not when the other one’s half out the door with keys in mouth and phone in hand.
Taking your partner for granted kills the spark
There was a happy couple once. Then came the routine—and “Thanks,” “You look tired, need help?” and “Nice shirt!” were gone. Spoiler: no one likes to feel invisible. The magic of a relationship is in little, everyday things. When those go away, it doesn’t take a detective to notice the connection fading.
Never cease to express gratitude and affection, no matter how small. Expressing a thank you, a compliment, or organizing an unplanned surprise—these small things can do a lot. Routine does not have to equal monotony. If a relationship is left to go on autopilot, it begins to lose its sparkle.
Trying to change your partner is a dead-end road
Let’s be clear: if you’re with someone hoping they’ll “grow out of it” or “finally get it,” you’re playing emotional Russian roulette. Yes, people can change—but only if they truly want to. If your partner doesn’t want therapy, hates travel, or despises your cats, don’t kid yourself into thinking they’ll be lining up at the shelter for a new kitten anytime soon.
Human beings are not fixer-uppers. Being with someone means accepting who they are—flaws and all. If there are certain habits that are genuinely impossible to live with, it’s fine to talk about it and try to find some common ground. But holding out hope for a total personality overhaul is a fast way to despair. Accepting each other’s uniqueness is not up for negotiation if you want something real and long-lasting.
Jealousy and control kill personal freedom
A small bit of jealousy can be normal—but when it spirals, it is a dire threat to the peace of the relationship. Glancing over their phone, constantly inquiring about where they are or with whom they are—is only generating insecurity and tension.
Trust is what any strong relationship is built upon. Without trust, all else falls apart. Everyone deserves some space, friends, and interests. A strong bond is based on security, not suspicion.
Avoiding confrontation only makes problems worse
Arguments are part of life. The issue isn’t whether you fight—it’s how you fight. Skipping every difficult conversation to avoid tension only creates resentment that will one day boil over.
On the other hand, opting to battle about everything little does make love a war zone. The objective is to find the middle ground: addressing problems with maturity, not shutting down or being argumentative. What the argument needs to be about is fixing it—not hurting.
Forgetting about physical and emotional intimacy creates space
Intimacy isn’t limited to the bedroom—both physically and emotionally. Over time, life catches up, and the relationship goes on autopilot while the connection fades.
Taking time for each other, listening, and being physically intimate are all vital means of keeping that connection intact. Feeling seen, valued, and desired all go to keeping the relationship healthy—and keeping it from being merely a roommate arrangement.
Disrespect undermines trust and harmony
A barbed remark, a constant criticism, a disapproving look—disrespect comes in many forms. Even careless slights leave lasting harm.
Teasing your partner, embarrassing them in public, or constantly criticizing them mercilessly creates a wedge. In a healthy relationship, you encourage each other. You accept flaws and celebrate strengths.
Lasting love is a daily choice
No relationship is perfect. But there are those who opt—every day—to have each other’s backs. Love is not an instinct. It needs attention, respect, and understanding.
If you want your relationship to last the test of time, do not fall into these traps. Nurture it like a garden: tend to it with patience, love, and the want to see it grow.
