Ilaria Rosella Pagliaro Friendships are born, grow and, sometimes, end: learning to understand the signs of a relationship at the end of the line is essential to experience authentic bonds and free ourselves from relationships that are no longer good for us
Table of contents
There are bonds in our lives that make us more whole and understood, worth more than their weight in gold. And then there are the relationships that, while once treasured, begin to feel like the heavy weight of an overpacked backpack. It’s in learning when we need to lighten this load that’s perhaps one of the healthiest choices we could make on behalf of ourselves. For friendships, like people, evolve, and so must we.
Why do some friendships end?
Friendships are built on simple yet powerful foundations: shared interests, proximity, and life experiences. But over the years, these very pillars may start weakening.
Herein come the three major reasons a friendship may begin to fade:
- Shifting interests: Most times, friendships start off because two people have common interests, like reading, hiking, or some favorite series. What if the interest goes away? If that glue isn’t strong enough, the bond weakens.
- Different life stages: In school or college, we gravitate toward people in the same situation. However, at different stages of life, such as marriage, relocation, or career changes, the gap created is sometimes impossible to fill.
- Loss of proximity: Living in the same town or being part of the same social circle creates friendships, while moving away and changing environments create distance between them.
Actually, emotional distance can be more unbearable than physical distances. When only habit holds friendship together, this may become far more exhausting compared to being genuinely rewarding.
Signs that a friendship is no longer working
How many times have you said to yourself, “I should call them,” without doing it? Sometimes, it is not a matter of being busy; sometimes this represents a loss of interest from one or another party.
The following are some signs that may be indicative that a friendship has reached its course:
- The Communication Ebbs: If messages go without response for weeks, or attempts to make plans never go through, something isn’t clicking.
- The friendship feels like a duty: If you feel “obligated” to someone, or if guilt sustains the relationship, then the friendship is no longer healthy.
- Lack of excitement: When you no longer show enthusiasm or interest in what’s happening with your friend, it is perhaps time to take another look at the connection altogether.
Moving away from a friendship does not mean you have forgotten the good times; it simply means you acknowledge who you are becoming.
Can a lost friendship be restored?
People change, and so do friendships. Sometimes, though, that which seems lost is actually a simple gesture away from revival.
Following are a few ways to reconnect:
- Send a heartfelt message: A simple “I thought of you today, how are you?” opens up the door to conversation. Nothing too profound in the way of speeches, but rather an invitation to reconnect.
- Make a call: The ringing sound of a ringtone to a familiar voice may break ice better than text messages.
- Admit the mistakes of the past, whether it be through neglect or misunderstandings.
That being said, friendship is always a decision made by both parties. You cannot force anyone to stay.
When you are no longer the priority
Sometimes, we aren’t the ones walking away-we’re the one standing at the door, closing in front of us. This is painful; it is at the same time an opportunity to grow.
If one of your friends retreats, then don’t insist on endless explanations. Often, this is not about you-people grow, and priorities change.
Instead of running after a fleeing friendship, cultivate yourself. Pay more attention to those friendships that bring value to your life and build for you a nook of balance and serenity. Being a good friend to yourself is the first step toward healthy, lasting relationships with others.
Source: Psychology Today
